I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
