totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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