i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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