I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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