well I can't set my house on fire every night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
