cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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