the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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