I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
