guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
