Already got asked if we're dating
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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