hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
worst night to have a conscience
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
