y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize