I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
