i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
