How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
