And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
