I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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