you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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