absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
