You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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