dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
