Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
