my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You smell like stripper and shame
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
