she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
