You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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