he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize