but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
