I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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