Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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