Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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