i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
