The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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