for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
