some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
