3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
