God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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