i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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