I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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