you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
