and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
