i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
