My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
