WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
