Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
