My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
