so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
