i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
