Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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