Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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