I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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