I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
