we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize