No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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