UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
