I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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