ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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