I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
