wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
