Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
