I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
