My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
