That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
