I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
