If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
