cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
