That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
