I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
