My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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