Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
