I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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