mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
