First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
