Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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