This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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