i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
