apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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